So, Where Are you Registered?

My sister asked me to register for baby stuff. She wanted to start buying the twins things, which is really nice (what a good aunt-to-be!). I was reluctant since I thought it was so early. Truth be told - I'm really glad I did. Who knew that this was such a complicated project and would take so much time and learning?! Thankfully, there are people to help. How else could one figure out such things as nursing pads, breast pumps and the difference between a co-sleeper, bassinet, pack n' play, or crib and other ideas completely foreign to non-parents? And which is best for twins? So, after much deliberation and countless hours researching the finer points of crib mattresses, etc., I set up a "wish list" at a little place called Lullaby Lane (cute, huh?) in San Bruno. They have absolutely everything, are close enough for shopping and convenient enough for most friends whether they live near-by, near the phone, or just near the internet!

Lullaby Lane: 650-588-7644 (or 1-800-588-7644 for those out-of-town folks) Weblink: http://www.lullabylane.com/gift_registry/index.cfm

Mom and I got together and decided on pale yellow and off-white for the primary nursery colors. Bedding is so expensive, that she and I decide that we will try to make the bumpers ourselves. (Should prove interesting!) Mom is ready to start knitting blankets, and we start gathering a vision and momentum toward this vast project. With so many helpful friends who have already had babies, we have found the need for clothes is not as dire as other baby gifts. However, even I find it difficult to resist all the cute little oneies, socks and dresses they have in the stores!

Week 23 - Passing the Torch

The Cook Twins - 75th birthday

Remember these cute kids? Well, they were 73 years younger the last time I pointed them out. Still can't guess? Here's a little hint:
http://aboutourbabies.blogspot.com/2004/01/grandma-dearest.html

Yep, it's my Grandma Betty (on the left) again and her twin sister, Louise (on the right). The both of them are pictured above on their 75th birthday. You may remember that we lost Grandma Betty a little over a year ago, just short of her 90th birthday. Her twin, Louise, my great aunt, who never really left the East Coast, we learned just yesterday from her son Carl, passed similarly to Grandma in her sleep on Saturday, just short of her 91st birthday.

Louise and Betty were born together, in lieu of an incubator, they shared the warmth of the kitchen oven (no, really!), they celebrated birthdays together, grew up together, went to school together, lost their husbands the same year, learned to become widows together, vacationed together, and died almost within a year of each other. I'm sure that they right now are looking down on us together.

The loss of Louise feels like the closing of the chapter of the Cook twins and fortifies my determination to give them some sort of honor and recognition. When I first learned Paul and I were to expect twins, I automatically thought to name them in some way that would draw a similarity or parallel to my Grandma and the whole twin phenomenon. I feel even stronger about it now.

If we had a boy, I wanted to name him "Gianni [pronounced "Johnny"] Truesdale" (Truesdale was the maiden name of the twins' mother, Dora, as well as my Grandma's middle name). My first pick for a girl name: "Bettina Louise." Now that they are both girls, I want to name the younger one "Bettina Louise" as my Grandma, whose birth name was Bettina, was the younger between her sister and she.

My Grandfather also had a sister Louise and probably to honor both of their sisters, my mother, their only daughter, was given the middle name "Louise." Paul's not fond of "Bettina" (come to think of it, he's not fond of any of my names), but likes "Tina." I think I'm going to stick to my guns on this because the thought remains steadfast.

My heart goes out to Carl and his family in the loss of their mom. It was hard to get accostomed to living without Grandma Betty, even knowing that her last years weren't her best and comfort was easier found for her with her passing. I'd like to see this series of events lead to a positive in the passing of the torch between twins - one set newly lost and another on the cusp of new life. I hope in my girls, the Cook twins can be remembered and hope that they share much of the closeness that Louise and Betty did.

Week 22 - 3 Times in the Course of An Evening

Week 22

So, I get in the elevator on my way home from work on Monday, and about 3 floors down, it stopped to pick up 3 ladies also heading home. They must work together as they're giggling and chatting as they get in. The doors close and one of them turns around and with a big excited face exclaims, "Oh, my gosh! How many days until you're due?"

"Days," I think. Oh, this is going to be funny!! I quickly do the math and, oh, so matter-of-factly answer, "One hundred nineteen...Seventeen more weeks to go." I'm pleased at her perplexed look and the sudden quiet in the elevator. But, feeling a little evil, and not wanting to make it too awkward, I also add, "They are twins, though, so they don't leave me much room." Relief sets in and they are all the sudden busy with all sorts of questions. The elevator sounds like a hen house until we finally reach the bottom floor where we all get out.

It's raining outside, and I walk to the BART station amid a sea of opened umbrellas. The BART station is especially full today and there is hardly any room left on the platform on which to wait. My train approaches next, and I'm not even sure I'm going to make it on as there are so many in the already crowded train, and I'm sure I'm not going to get a seat. I feel fortunate that I'm one of the last to make it in the car and can find at least something study to hold on to. I figure things might open up by Oakland City Center and get ready to ride the 10 minutes or so standing up. A young lady sitting near me immediately offers me her seat. However, she has a giant box of flowers 3 feet tall (it's Valentine's Day) to manage, so I decline knowing what a mess I'd be putting her in. Two other people - men unencumbered by flowers - instantly pop up and I realize that I must look pretty bad off. (I take the seat anyhow!)

Mom picks me up. We are going to a birthday gathering over dinner and dessert. A bunch of my mom's friends and the local daughters of the 2 birthday girls (I'm one of the daughters and my friend Lisa, who is also expecting, is the other) along with their husbands. Lisa is 13 weeks further along that I am and is on required bed rest as she has signs of pre-term labor. She's hoping to make it at least another week to 36 weeks. She and I practically grew up together and are like best friends. Although I talk to her on the phone a number of times a week, I haven't seen her for at least a month, so I sit down on the couch where she's reclined to catch up. She soon points out that we are the same size, even though she is set to give birth in a number of days and I have 3 months to go. OK, that's 3 times in under 2 hours. I'm suddenly very self-aware and decide that it may be time for another visual for the scrapbook.

3-D Sonogram - Week 21

Week 21 - Baby A

The ultrasound technicians must say the same thing to every set of parents: “Oh, what a beautiful baby,”… “She is so photogenic!”… “Perfect kidneys”… “They are the cutest twins – so perfectly matched!”… “An A+ visit today!” This is our 5th time seeing our babies on the screen, and I think we always bought the lines and subconsciously puffed up in pride and optimism at the complements. Today, however, our view was a little different. We think they’re nuts!

Today, the sonogram technician “flipped a switch” that we’ve never seen before: the newest technology in ultrasounds - so new in fact that CPMC is the only hospital in San Francisco to have it – 3-D pictures. We went from seeing the flat fuzzy linear etchings of shape (which we were used to interpreting) to all the sudden seeing contours, shadow, depth and dimension. It’s fascinating to see the details, but the lines about our babies being so “photogenic” and “beautiful” are no longer convincing. See for yourself…

OK – so they look like burn victims. It’s alright to think it – we think so, too. We understand where horror-film directors and make-up artists get their inspiration. They have gone though this too! They are still a bit ribby in someplaces and a bit bumpy in others, but they are half-baked and the images are based on sound waves, which can have some interference… They do have sweet faces – closed little eyes like they are sleeping and sweet little lips and a nose. I can make out the right hand on which she is sleeping, but what’s that other thing? A claw or an umbilical cord? I hope it’s not an arm!

We left the office laughing and unsure if we should share these photographs with others lest they think that we create monsters rather than babies. People at my work who asked to see, even after the disclaimer I gave, were rather quiet and brief – they didn’t study them as long as they had previous photos that used the old technology. I don’t know – you decide: is the 3-D a better way to view a baby or does it just scare us a bit more?

The good news, everything is still doing great. The babies are a total match, exactly the same weight: 441 grams (about a pound) each, which the technician says is a first in her 14-year experience. Their length is no longer easily measured by the ultrasound as they don’t fit in one frame anymore, but the book we have says they are about 7.5 inches from the top of their head to their bum (legs are extra). I’ve gained 33 pounds now and would like to start shopping for some flat shoes. I thought that I’d wait since I was convinced that my feet would spread soon and thus change the size, but it hasn’t happened yet, and my doctor has questioned the short-heeled mules that I have been using.

It’s taken 21 weeks for them to grow from nothing to a pound. In the next 4 weeks, they should grow another pound, thus doubling their weight. I can only imagine what that’s going to do to my belly, back and ribs! Guess I should start filling out my disability paperwork so I can start a reduced work day and not have to hold their weight all the time. It will be an interesting 4 weeks.

My Little Hawaiian Flower

I still have mixed emotions and a little trepidation about going to a sonogram appointment; it is a serious love-hate relationship. The very first thing I do once that receiver hits my gooey belly is scan the monitor for that one-important, life-giving organ - the heart - to ensure it is still active and beating. I am always relieved to see it moving in its strange 4-sectioned rhythm, and it helps me to relax and focus instead at the other beautiful details of light and dark images on the sonogram screen. This is all because of the memory of my little lost flower.

Last year, Paul and I traveled to Maui, Hawaii for a very important event - my sister's wedding. While there, we enjoyed all sorts of other island activities, among them, snorkeling at a locals' spot, called Three Graves, where I realized a transcendental moment gliding side-by-side gentle sea turtles, following them as long as my breath allowed. The next day, adorned with local island plumeria flowers (a Maui icon), and surrounded by all our family, I stood by my sister's side and witnessed a phenomenally beautiful wedding. Her wedding day, May 29th, which also happens to be my dad's birthday, also happened to be the day Paul and I saw our "stick turn pink," indicating we were pregnant. Our trip to Hawaii suddenly meant much more after that pink stick and practically everything held deeper meaning.

We were ecstatic for weeks. I bought several books, shared with friends and family, and bought a secret momento - a gold ring in typical Hawaiian style adorned with a central plumeria flower and surrounded by 2 sea turtles. I wore the ring every day and looked forward to meeting my baby. Six weeks later, at our first sonogram, instead of the anticipated joy, we learned the terrible news that the baby had no heartbeat and had died two weeks prior. The shock couldn't hold the steady weeping that happened over the next hours, days and weeks, which permanently changed the way Paul and I live our lives.

The day after the bad news, I went to the hospital for the D&C (minor surgery to remove the baby’s carcass from my uterus). As part of the surgical preparation, I had to remove all my jewelry. Opposite of my wedding ring I still wore the plumeria ring that celebrated the inception of the baby that no longer exists. “What should I do with it now?” I contemplated. Do I throw it away? Though the urge was real, I instead tucked it away in a compartment in my purse that I was unlikely to visit. After a pensive moment, I took a deep breath and followed the nurse down the hall to the procedure room.

They say that twins know they are connected very early in the womb - even before they are big enough to interface physically with one other. They have done studies of children born out of what they call a “vanishing twin” scenario (when one twin dies very early – before week 10 – and is absorbed back into the uterus, thus appearing to have vanished rather than mis-carried) and find that the surviving child goes through real feelings of loneliness and need for companionship as they age, as if they were missing or searching for someone. For that reason, twin books encourage parents of surviving twins to acknowledge and celebrate their “vanished” sibling as if they were an important and meaningful member of the family.

I wonder if our twins have any “knowledge” of the one that came before them; if they will find a kinship of sorts knowing that not all their parents' babies are here. I know that Paul and I feel it, even though we may not discuss it as much as we did before our second pregnancy. For this reason, I have decided to revisit that section of my purse where I left “my little Hawaiian flower,” take it out, and add it to my jewelry box along with all the other treasures and family heirlooms stored there. And, as I do, I look with irony – or perhaps foreshadowing – to notice and remember that on either side of the flower is a sea turtle - my Hawaiian flower and twin turtles. Perhaps there is already a bond.

Another aside – my father has hopes that his first grandchildren, the twins, will be born on his birthday, May 29th. This is of course very possible as they will be in their 37th week at that point, at full term, and ready to live in the world. The irony in that possibility is also odd – remember, not only is that the same day as my sister's wedding, it was also the day we discovered our first baby, our little Hawaiian Flower.